Less Like Scars

It amazes me... over and over again how real God is. Not only is He present in our lives and working, but He also cares for us so deeply that He can meet that need in a way that no one else can. I'm renewed so frequently these days at how good He is. Feeling discouraged one day this week I was quite pleased to find a package on my front step. It was a new CD. It was my new Sarah Groves CD. Okay, maybe it's not her new release or anything (2002 to be exact) but it was new to me. If you remember, the first CD I got by her ministered to me in such an amazing way. It gave me a very real picture of where I was at that particular season and it gave me hope and encouragement...well the Lord gave me those things through her little song.

Well, not surprisingly, the first song on this new CD called "All Right Here" really met me where I was...again. So cool.

Less Like Scars

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But ever day it's...

Less like tearing more like building
Less like captive more like willing
Less like breakdown more like surrender
Less like haunting more like remember

And I feel You here
And You're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in Your hands the pain and the hurt...

Look less like scars and more like character
Less like a prison and more like my room
Less like a casket and more like a womb
Less like dying more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel You here
And You're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But You are able
And in Your hands the pain and the hurt look less like scars
Less like scars...and more like character

End of the Season

We had our end of the season party last night for B's soccer team.
Here is Benjamin getting his trophy from Coach Jeff.


I made a cake for the party. These are pictures of the boys on toothpicks so it looked like they were really playing on the soccer field. This picture gives away the fact that I am a terrible cake decorator!! Look at that icing on the edge. HA!! Oh well, all the boys cared about was that THEY were on the cake! How fun!


Here's the whole team! Carson, Carter, Christopher, Jedd, Grayson and Benjamin
Go Lightning!!!

Memorial Day Weekend at the Lake

So, the family didn't get much time on the lake, because of the rain!!!! But, we did have a great time together.


The kids were just SO glad to see their cousins!!
"We could eat you up, we love you so!" - "Where the Wild Things Are"






Daddy trying to find a life jacket to fit Laurie


About to go out on the boat!!! What cool kids!


Cait driving the boat with a little help from Poppa


Sweet baby!!! This makes me laugh out loud when I see this! I can't help it. She is SO sweet!!!

Fun times, but no tan. Lots of scrapbooking done with Laurie, but no time being pulled behind the boat at fast speeds!! Oh well...we've got all summer, right??

Look at me Gettin' All Crafty!

After some dear friends of mine made me a beautiful plaque using their modge podge skills, I thought I'd give it a try myself. Here is the first of three modge podge creations that I made. This one is for B's room. You can't read the verse in the first picture, but you can't see the paper in the second picture either. So combine them and you'll get the idea. (no idea why this is underlined)






This one is for the kid's bathroom which is done in frogs. This one looks kind of funny in the picture too. You get the idea!


The last one is the one I did for Cait's room. My goal was to choose verses that they might read over and over and over again throughout the years...that they might be verses that would make an impact on them spiritually.


Here are the aprons that I made for Benjamin and Cait. This is a big deal for me. See, Chris's mom bought me a sewing machine as a house warming present...3 houses ago!!! I haven't ever used it because I was afraid of it. Well, I just decided that it was about time. I pulled it out. Mom helped me get it set up and get started and now I'm a sewing fool. Now, I didn't say I was good, I just said I was a fool. That's all.
The kids picked out their material for their aprons. Cait's is ballerinas with pink sparkles on the back (they are reversible) and B chose pirates (surprise!) and solid red (his favorite color) for the back.


The kids have been putting the aprons to good use by helping me in the kitchen. The kids helped tonight to make a chicken dish. While we ate, Benjamin said, "Man, I made a good dinner!" I had to chuckle...because that's exactly what I want them to think...that their part in the preparation is crucial. That I need their help! It was just funny to me.



My most current project is curtains for Benjamin's room. Yes...I've had the material for years now!! Better late than never though, I guess. I'll let ya know how those turn out.

YAY! Test results and Headaches!!

Okay, so forever ago I got my test results back and found out that my headaches were not being caused by my thyroid. No thyroid problem here. Thank the Lord though, right after that my friend and Doctor, Dr. Cindy and my other friend and nurse practitioner (whoo hoo, it's official now!) Jeannie, gave me some pain meds for my head. They are aspirin, mixed with caffeine and a light muscle relaxer. WOW!!! Bliss! The pain was GONE! Thank God! However, this was only a temporary fix, because it just covered up the pain instead of fixing the problem. Well, right about this time my schedule started to lessen. I was going to bed earlier and sleeping in later, I felt like exercising again and I felt this weight start to lift off of me. Well...low and behold! So did the headaches. Saturday, I took no meds until 6:00pm!! Sunday and Monday were normal headache days, but then Tuesday and Wed, no meds!! AMAZING!! I feel like an idiot that stress could be causing my body to freak out so!! I mean, I do trust the Lord! I do! I just have go to figure out a way not to get like this again. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I really just wanted to say, praise God for answering my prayers and your prayers for me! And I wanted to thank those of you who prayed for me!! I feel like myself again!! YAY!

The Conference...Finally!

SO....all this time has gone by and I have not been able to type up my notes. However, my dear friend Amber is very much on top of things and wrote about the conference weeks ago! So, here are some pictures that I took and to read about what was taught at the conference, go here!

Amber being uncooperative!


Amber, Millie, Gabrielle, Kathryn, Lamar and Kay


Millie and Amber on the flight home


Gab, me and Kat on the flight home


Kay, Julie and Lamar also on the flight home

What fun times we had!!! Sadly, Jenni, Heather and Jennifer are not in any of my pictures! Bummer! Be sure to look at Amber's blog, she has pictures too!

Baby Mia Beth

Sweet baby girl!!!! Mia was dedicated to the Lord last Sunday by her mommy and daddy at church. What a cutie!!! Danyel said she was so happy the whole day, smiling and showing off!
Here she is with er mommy and daddy...



Here's big brother Eli joining in unwillingly to the picture


Mia also went to go visit her great-grandmother at the nursing home. She's all smiles there too!


Here's Mia hanging out with her brother in his big boy bed. They're bonding. It doesn't get any cuter than this folks!!


Danyel and the kids are coming for a visit th first part of June for a whole week. YAY!!! I can't wait!!!

My Pink Poodle

Cait had her first ballet and tap production on Saturday night and it was quite the family event!! For her ballet costume she was a pink poodle and for her tap routine she was a girl from the Ozarks! Adorable all the way around!
Here are some pictures of the night...none seemed to turn out that great. I think it was the lighting!


Poppa, GiGi and bubby with Cait before the program.


Posing quickly with mommy before the program starts. We're late!!


SO PROUD to be wearing blush and lipstick! OH MY!!!


Cait with some of her friends..


My Pink Poodle!!! Isn't she cute?


Cait looking a little confused!!


The Finale!!!


Cait with all her flowers!


Poppa and GiGi wouldn't have missed this for the world!!


Cait and Sarah Adelman. It was hard to tell them apart on the stage!

Mother's Day and Doctor Report

Happy Mother's Day to all you mommies out there! Wow! What a job, huh? It's a wonderful job, but what responsibility!!! When I stop to think of the sheer gravity of my role in Benjamin and Cait's life, I shudder. But how gracious our God is to give us what we need to accomplish the task He has set before us. He promises that He will provide grace for our shortcomings, wisdom when we lack it, forgiveness when we fail and to hear our prayers for our children! If we remain in the vine, then we will be supplied with all that we need. It's not about us at all, really! So as moms today, we should really be pointing back to our Savior in thanks for how he has sustained us and given us the strength and desire to do what we do everyday with our children.
Speaking of mother's day...Happy Mother's Day mom!! You and daddy blessed me so much this weekend. I can't thank you enough! Made a hard Mother's Day not so hard at all.

My sweet kids knew all about Mother's Day this year because of their teachers at the preschool they go to with me on Thursdays and Fridays. They each made me a gift and a very special card. That meant a lot to me this year. I have to share Benjamin's card with you. Too funny. It was one of those cards where the teacher composed it, but the kids filled in the blank. This is what it said:

"All About My Mom!

My mom's name is Ms. Tamra and she is 31 years old. Her favorite thing to eat is salad and her favorite color is pink. She likes to watch American Idol on TV. When we play together we like to play Hungry, Hungry Hippos. My mom is a mammal. I love her because she is beautiful.

Happy Mother's Day!
Love, Benjamin"

My son knows me so well! He hit everything right on (except the beautiful part, of course)! So funny that he acknowledged that I am a mammal!! Well, I am! And that I watch American Idol...how embarrassing!! But true!! I confess.

I had my doctor's appointment on Thursday last week They think they might have a good idea of what is causing my headaches. That is good news, because there's a good chance that they can be regulated if the diagnosis is accurate. I am having a hard time with the IDEA of the possible diagnosis. See, we think it might be hypothyroidism. Sounds harmless, and actually mostly is. Problem being, that this is very commonly brought on after a bad infection in your body...like Epstein Bar virus (Mono). I had mono last year and I had so much physical discomfort and pain and just plain exhaustion from it. The virus in and of itself was hard...but another complication on top of it? And the real root of the issue is that I now know how I got mono ...hind sight is 20x20 they say. It's so hard not to take that realization and let it sink down deep in me and plant itself like a little seed. I am fully aware of what that little seed would grow into...a full blown garden of bitterness and resentment. That type of garden is full of thorns and thistles and all kinds of hurtful things for the gardener himself. Why would I do that myself? I'm the one who would ultimately suffer even more. No thanks. But, it is a daily...NO, minute by minute struggle not to let it take root. I have to talk to myself rather than listen to myself. Tell myself truth. "God was in all of this, Tamra. There is a plan...He's not finished yet. This is part of your sanctification. Stop complaining! This is for your good, not your harm! What you are sowing now, you will reap later!"
If you think of it, you could pray for me in this struggle. It's HARD!

Well, I've been without my computer for 4 days and ow I have it back. I missed it! Thank you to Jeff for spending hours an hours on my silly computer! and thank you Jenni for sacrificing time with your husband so he could be up int he study working on MY computer! How annoying that must have been!

The start of a new week. Ready or not, it's here. I'm ready! I'm feeling hopeful! I hope it is a blessed week for you!
Thanks for all those of you who are praying for me! It means so much to me!! I'll let you know if I find out anything.

Survival

I feel like I have been absent from the blog world for some time. I have also felt absent from my life. Have you ever been through a season in your life where the ultimate goal is to get up, do the next thing on the list of demands and then go to bed? I call it survival mode. I am in survival mode right now. Yes, I have been very busy and yes, I have been under a lot of stress, and yes, I am trying to heal from the dissolve of my marriage. But on top of all these things I have been suffering from terrible headaches on a daily basis. I don't want to bore with all the details of what kind of headache, etc. I have heard many suggestions from people on what they think might be the root problem of my headaches. I've heard a wide array of things. Everything from...stress, allergies, migraines, blood sugar, spine misalignment, etc. I wake up every morning with a headache and go to bed every night with one. I have seen the doctor and frankly...I think diagnosing the cause of a headache is one the hardest things to do! It could be caused my one million different things!!!

So, here I am...in survival mode. My house is dirty, I've fallen behind on work related things, I haven't cooked in weeks (excluding mac-n-cheese and waffles). But, good news is...I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow. I am so hopeful that we are getting close to figuring out what is causing these headaches. Would you pray for me? Would you pray for my doctor? I consider myself pretty tolerant of pain, but this is getting old. This is not much of a life, let me tell you! My kids are getting kind of tired of the headache excuse, too. Benjamin prays for me everyday...sweet boy. And it kills me to know that they are not being mothered as they should be right now because of me not feeling well. So, once again...would you pray? Lots of people already are, but I would appreciate all I can get. Thank you!!
I would really appreciate it!!

One Down

Saturday is over and I am so happy. It was a crazy day. I had Fine Arts Festival at one of the preschools that I teach for. This meant 4 performances back to back totaling 3 hours of stress on this given day. All students from 2 year olds to Kindergarten performed. Both my kids performed with their classes and then we got to view their art work displayed throughout the school. Fun times.


Here's Cait (bottom right) playing her rhythm sticks to "The Muffin Man."


Here's Benjamin with the rest of the preschoolers (only half showed up) singing "Colors of the Rainbow" with their scarves.

At the same time that I was supposed to arrive at the school, Cait had her ballet pictures and Benjamin had a soccer game. Talk about needing to be in 3 places at once! So, anyway my mom came in to help and Chris helped out too. Mom took Cait to pictures, Chris took B to his game and I went to the school. They all met me up there later.

So, I have one school performance down and one to go. Plus, I have 10 more Kindermusik classes to teach this semester and then I will be done!!! Hallelujah! I'm so close, I can taste it!

The Power of Music

(I wrote this yesterday but am just now publishing)
Music has always had a huge effect on me. I am a crier when it comes to singing in a worship service. I am always more moved by a dramatic monologue or movie scene presented with some background music. I can hear a song on the radio and it can make me soar with feelings of joy... or plummet down into the depths of despair.
Well, over the last 24 hours I have had some extremely eye-opening experiences with music.

1. Yesterday I bought the new Michael Bouble CD at Walmart. I never buy CD's. But, he's one guy that I really like to listen to. He's reminiscent of the old crooners from Frank's day and even before. I thought, "How fun! A new CD!" so I got it. Only problem...when I got it home and listened to it, there was a song on it called "Me and Mrs. Jones." I could tell by the title that I probably wasn't going to like it. I was right. It was a sympathetic song about a young man and a married woman who secretly met everyday and fell more and more in love..."holding hands across the table." I just got so sick to my stomach thinking, "Who thinks this is okay? Who...even a non-Christian would sing a song glorifying such a relationship?" I don't get it!!! I really don't. I have ZERO tolerance for such things.
2. Next, and definitely not a better experience...today I was walking around in a store. A song came over the speaker. It was a song I used to love. However, it was ruined for me in the most horrible way I could ever fathom. I haven't heard that song in the last 9 months...not one time. But I did today. And I had this sudden moment of panic. I literally almost ran out of the store, but I knew I had to purchase the items in my cart and quickly go on with my day. I couldn't do it. I couldn't hear that song. It was like I ...I don't even know what it was like. I just know it was terrible. I literally plugged my ears with my fingers and started humming as loud as I could get away with in public. I kind of nudged my cart along, humming and rubbing my ears as if they itched...so no one would think I was insane. Terrible experience to realize that you are still so easily effected by certain memories. And I guess for me, when music is involved, it's all the more powerful.
   
3. Then, on the way home I was listening to the radio. I heard a song that I had never heard before. It was a man singing to a woman and he was telling her all the things he wanted to do to show her he loved her and wanted to make a life with her. He was saying (can't remember exactly how it went but...) that he wanted to honor her mom and learn from her dad and love her like no one else could love her...etc, etc. And then I was soaring again. I was thinking...maybe there is someone out there that will love me like this one day. Maybe all the pain and and the hurt is part of the "broken road that (leads) me straight to (him)". I thought that it was about time for some musical encouragement today!

Anyone want a brand new Michael Bouble CD?