So yesterday Benjamin asks me, "Mommy, do you still love daddy?"
*sigh*
I mean...really, how do you answer that? Seriously! I tried to go around the question and say that when you're married to someone, then you love them in a very different way than if you're not married to them...which I'm not married to your daddy any more. So he says, "But do you still love him?" So I told him that I love him like a brother, as God would have us love others and treat them as friends. I immediately changed the tone of the conversation and started asking him questions in a silly tone about who he loved. "Well... do you love daddy? Do you love GiGi? Do you love baby Mia? He was laughing and saying "yes, yes, yes!!!" to them all.
*shew*
Then, this morning on the way to work Cait says to me..."Mommy do you still love daddy?" I wanted to throw my hands in the air and just yell. I guess my answer to her brother the day before hadn't sufficed! I have become a master at avoiding the questions that are too hard to answer or answer them in a way that is perfectly appropriate for a 5 year old and 4 year old. It is so interesting to watch how my kids have processed all of this mess. I know it doesn't seem messy to them, but it is a retraining of their minds. Parents don't always stay married. Mommies have to be married to have more babies (he's been begging!!!) and ... life goes on. It just goes on and we all learn to cope....even Benjamin and Cait are learning the harsh realities of life and sin and the mess that it leaves behind. We're all just coping and compensating for our sin and the sin of others around us. It's hard to watch your kids cope with that kind of thing though. As a parent you want to protect them from the ugliness of this world. But...when the ugliness is part of everyday life.....well, you just learn to deal with it.
"Let me find Your grace in the valley.
Let me find Your life in my death.
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow,
Your wealth in my need...
That you're near with every breath,
In the valley."
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I am a sinner, saved by grace. I am a child of God completely dependent on Him. I am learning to rely on Him soley...not on a husband or a friend or a paycheck, but Him alone. Only He can give me strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. To God be the glory!
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3 comments:
I love that song!
I will pray for you to have God's wisdom as you share with your children about all this. Although, I am just a stranger to you and don't know any of the details, I do pray for you. I know it must be very hard for you and your children. I will continue to pray and read here. As a sister in Christ we can bear one another's burdens.
I just love what you say in this part
"learning the harsh realities of life and sin and the mess that it leaves behind. We're all just coping and compensating for our sin and the sin of others around us. It's hard to watch your kids cope with that kind of thing though. As a parent you want to protect them from the ugliness of this world."
It is so true! I find myself wishing daily that I could protect my children from my own humanity - yikes!
I love that quote so much, I think I'll post it to my own blog...giving you the credit of course. We are praying with you.
Wendi
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