Cait's Birthday

Before leave town I wanted to say that because of everything else that has been going on in our lives for the last month, I didn't even mention that my sweet Cait turned three years old!! She had a birthday party that would be any princess lover's dream. I wanted to post pictures from her Cinderella party. Besides, looking at them makes me happy.
Happy Birthday to my sweet little princess,
Cait!

What Can I Say?

Messy, messy, messy! It's just not cut and dry, ya know? I need a vacation in the worst way. Worse than I have ever needed to get away. Thank the Lord for the lakehouse and my parents who will entertain my children and love on them every minute that we're there this weekend. I need boat rides and fried shrimp and hours on the porch swing. I'm going to pack my hymnal...funny, huh? But several hymns have ministered to me in the last 3 weeks and I'm working on memorizing them. I hope everyone has a great weekend with their families. I'll catch you later, when I'm feeling refreshed and ready to tackle my full week next week. Love you all!

Fun and New Things

What a fun time I had tonight with my dear friend Amber. Friends don't come more genuine than this girl! I love having her as a friend. She is characterized by so many things that I wish I could be more like. I was going to list some examples, but then I realized that I would get carried away with how awesome Amber is and what a loser I am!! LOL We talked about heavy things and then fun things like homeschooling and sweet things that are kids do and say. That was good. We decided that we're going to have a slumber party next time and she'll bring her kids. I already can't wait!! Almost as good as her visit was the present she gave me...did you notice it??? The new things on my blog??? Check the sidebar. YAY!!! A "Favorites" list and a "Links" list. I've wanted them for a really long time!! She coached me right through it. What a pal she is! Thanks Amber for driving to Wylie to give an old friend some company. It did my heart good.

Really quick...

• Kindermusik went great today. It was great to see my babies. Benjamin told me that he missed me and Cait had "daddy hair." You know what that is right? Daddy fixed it, enough said. HAHA!!
• Went to the dollar store today because Laurie said they had some pirate stuff. I found the cutest pirate plates and napkins ever!!! Not scary pirates, but a cute animated little boy dressed as a pirate. This is obviously for B's birthday party that is not until Jan 1...but at least I already have them stashed in a bag in the closet and I don't have to worry about that anymore. And the best part, I got 40 plates and 40 napkins for $4. Pretty awesome, I know.
• I love bullets like this. They coincide with how my brain works. :-)
• More Kindermusik today and Ms. Sarah is coming to stay with the kids. Good times for them! And good encouragement for me.
  
• My dear friend Amber is driving a very long way to come visit me this afternoon, with no children. Visits are what I truly crave right now. That means a lot and I'm SOOO excited!

Love you all. Hope you all have a blessed day!

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice! Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

Little Things

I just have several little things, none of which would constitute having it's own posting. But here's the update none the less.

• I got a new comforter! Some dear friends of mine (they would die if I mentioned their names) gave me a giftcard to Linens-N-Things. This was for the purpose of buying new bedding for my new life of singledom. It is beautiful! They were having a big sale on the only comforter in the whole store that I really loved. I also had enough to get a new set of soft and gorgeous sheets. I've never owned sheets that nice! I even got 2 really pretty throw pillows to make the gift completely over-the-top wonderful! Thank you friends! I can't wait to set it up when I get my new bed from my parents in 2 weeks!
• Now that many books and pieces of furniture are leaving my study upstairs I have a new plan for that room. It's going to be a study/scrapbooking/homeschool room. Awesome, huh? I am going to fix up my childhood desk that's been out in the garage for forever and bring it upstairs for the kids to do their school work on. I also now have plenty of bookshelf space for the homeschool curriculum I finally was able to buy. I also got a huge bulletin board to hang on the wall above the desk so we can work on calendar, weather, time, etc. and be able to hang their work up on display. It's so fun to have things to be excited about!!!
• Cait has a new favorite book, "The Pokey Little Puppy." But she says it differently. Benjamin keeps trying to correct her and I keep stopping him because I love to hear her ask for it in the car. "Mommy, may I please have the 'Bokey Little Pucky' book. So precious!
• Tonight in the car Cait started whining for her brother to give her teddy bear back. Without thinking too hard I asked him to give it to her right away. He said, "Mom, there is no bear. We're just pretending." She was pretending to have a bear and he pretended to take it away. She got mad and started yelling to have it back. What do you do in these types of situations??? Hmmm...
• Tonight is my first night without my kids. Chris has them tonight at his hotel and will bring them to Rockwall tomorrow for Kindermusik. I'm trying to stay busy and not think too hard. I need to see it as a Mommy's Night Out, right? This is one of the hardest parts, ya know? Right there next to Christmas or Thanksgiving without them. Okay...I said I wasn't going to think too hard.
• By the way, it is official. The filing for divorce happened officially. So unbelievable. Never in a million years did I think that I would be divorced. God knew though and He's got it all taken care of. His plan is good, kind and perfect. This is one of those times when what you believe about the character of God really matters.

Well, off to study for Kindermusik tomorrow and keep myself busy. Keep praying for us if we come to mind. Thanks for that, by the way. Really.

Small Groups

Our church is new to the whole small group idea. We have been meeting once a month on the last Friday at someone's house. We're divided up into small groups (obviously) and we get rotated around, so that we are getting to know lots of people in our church better, not just 3 or 4 of the same families. We have food, a mini-Bible study/discussion time and lots of fellowship. Isn't fellowship such a Baptist word? But I hate not to use it because what is the alternative? Talking? (So much more than that) Gossiping (No!) Visiting (More than that too). I'll stick with fellowship. Fellowship-communion, as between members of the same church. Yes, fellowship.
Anyway, what a good time a fellowship, study and snacking we did have. It was my first small group by myself. I was a little nervous if I would feel like a 5th wheel, so to speak, but I didn't. The kids played perfectly with their friends (thanks to Leah and Nina monitoring the kids), I got to visit with some of my favorite people (Especially Mrs. Judy...enough said!). Bro Hal was in our group so the discussion was deep, meaningful and very applicable to life...especially mine right now. The evening ended with Bro Hal playing the guitar in the living room and singing some songs he composed. I didn't even know he played. I felt overwhelmed with a feeling of comfort and peace all at the same time.
I thank God that my first weekend alone in this house without any visiting company to support me, I've been really busy. We had small small last night, we have a birthday party today and then our cooking group trades meals this afternoon. I'll tell you more about that later. Anyway, so far I've survived my first "real life" Friday as a single mom. It honestly still seems like a bad dream and I'm going to wake up and everything will go back to the way it was. I know it won't and for the first time I'm ready to say that I'm glad it won't. Everything makes sense in retrospect, of course and I see now how I'm better off alone than being deceived. To some it might be a toss up, but I choose the truth. "And the truth shall set you free..."

The Rockets in training

Benjamin had his second soccer practice today. It was his first official practice though because this was the first time he practiced with his new black and silver Addidas turf shoes, silver shin guards and new silver soccer ball. He was looking pretty professional if you ask me!
Here are some pictures from the practice. There's only 4 little boys on the team, so they each get quite a bit of individual coaching which is quite necessary actually. Benjamin didn't realize that he was supposed to try to get the ball from the other players. When someone was dribbling the ball down the field he would stand out of their way waiting for his turn. You should have seen the smile that came over his face when Coach Jeff said, "Benjamin, go get the ball from him and make a goal!" I knew what he was thinking at that very moment..."Yes! permission not to share and take what I want from all the other kids!" No, but really, it was adorable to see them high five each other when one got a goal. No sore losers on this team...yet.

We signed Cait up tonight for her ballet/tap classes starting in 2 weeks. She was so disappointed that she didn't get to dance today. I can't wait to dress her up in her little pink leotard and tights and practice putting her hair up in one of those buns that are so tight it makes her look Chinese. She'll be so sweet!! Don't worry, I'll post pictures.

It's good to be busy. It's good to feel like we're making baby steps in moving forward. Once again...thanks for those prayers. Keep 'em coming!

Coach asked him to run as fast as he could and he was taking it very seriously.

New Mercies

Thank you to those of you who encouraged me yesterday through phone calls, e-mails and postings here on my blog. This morning I woke up and read these verses. They were of great encouragement to me and I hope they are to you as well.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness...The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks him." Lamentations 3:19-25

Hard Day

Today has been just that...a very hard day. I'm not sure what's more painful, looking back to the past 5 years of my life and realizing it was all a lie or looking forward and seeing the road filled with valleys, jagged rocks and loneliness at every bend. I know I have a hope. I know I have a future. I know I will not be alone... and I am so grateful to be here rather than still living the lie, but it doesn't make the road any less painful. It hurts more today than it did 2 weeks ago today. Is the shock wearing off or have I taken my eyes off the Lord? Pray for me that I will not despair. Pray that I will have strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

My good friend

I have been eager to get to that point...you know when I could write a post on a somewhat lighter note and it feel alright to do so. I think I am ready. I just feel so blessed tonight after having a lengthy conversation with my pastor and his wife. I receive such wise council from them continually. I was also able to spend some sweet time with my kids tonight. I just wanted to tell you about one thing that each of them said today that just warmed my heart and made me so very glad to be a mommy.

Benjamin emerged from his bedroom this morning with wild hair and squinty eyes. He sat down in a chair in Cait's room and watched as I fixed her hair for the day. He needed some wake-up time. I handed him his clothes for the day and asked him to get dressed, but he just kind of sat there like he was still asleep, only his eyes were open. I went on dressing Cait when after a moment he perked up, hopped out of the chair and said, "Okay, I have enough joy to put my clothes on now." I just had to laugh wondering how he comes up with some of the things he does.

The three of us sat at the table tonight about to eat our supper. I asked Cait to please pray before our meal. She thanked God for her friends, her food, her pink bunny, her bubby, daddy, herself and her good friend mommy. What a blessing to have 2 sweet babies in my care that give me reason to live today to the fullest and with JOY!

Rollercoaster

These last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Sadness, anger, love, fear and anxiety, only to name a few. I know I've shared this very thing with some of you already, but I keep thinking that my emotions are all over the place. I don't feel confused, I just feel so all over the place. I keep telling myself to focus in. Let all the things of this world, like fear of tomorrow or anger at how someone has caused your children hurt...let them all fade away. Focus in on Jesus' face, His goodness and His glory. I feel like this week (as Jenni would say) is just a lot "messier" than even the last 2 weeks of shock and heartache. I so want to feel grounded though in the midst of crazy emotions that I'm told are normal. I want to feel the Rock of Ages beneath me, holding me steady, sure and giving me strong footing. Even as the waves crash on top of me, pounding me...I will feel safe. "I've learned to bless the wave that crushes me against the Rock of Ages." I want this to be the cry of my heart. It's all okay because He's with me. He's holding me steady and strong. I will walk through this fire because I have to, but I will not be burned. He promised (Isaiah 43:2).
But it shouldn't have to be a big trial like this one I'm going through for us to say these things about the Lord. It's almost harder to trust for the daily mundane things, isn't it? Why is that? Probably because in tragic situations we KNOW we can't handle it, we know we need help. But in the everyday, we sometimes think we can handle it on our own.
May we all turn our eyes upon Jesus- in every situation, big or small - look full in His wonderful face and the let the things of Earth grow stangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

Thank you to all of you. Not, "thanks!" with a head cocked to the side and high-pitched spin on the word. But THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to all of those of you who have been praying, who have been hurting with me and for me and for my children. I have felt so blessed and so comforted in the Lord over these last 2 Looooooonnnngg weeks.
I feel like I'm starting to get my bearings. New cell phone, new e-mail address, new blog, new life. I didn't want to do any of those things, but I needed to. I needed to have courage and strength to do the things that needed to be done. So thank you...each and everyone of you. Thank you to those of you I talk to everyday, those of you I haven't talked to in years and those of you I have never even met. Thank you for holding me up during this time. I needed to start a new blog to speak testimony to you and to others of what God has done and what He will do in my life. He has not and He will not leave me or forsake me. To God be the Glory, great things He hath done!