Things I love

• when people stop me in a crowded place to tell me how beautiful my children are
• fresh flowers
• cool breezes on a fall day with the windows open
• getting a good deal
• being there to hear the funny things my kids say
  
• phone calls or e-mails from friends who remember and care and who have genuinely been praying
• finding rocks in the bottom of the washing machine and knowing they came from your little boy's pockets
  
• the peace and comfort you get during and after reading the scriptures
• nap time
• kettle corn, corn dogs, funnel cake and fresh squeezed cherry limeades (all of which I had today in Canton) YUM!
• Texas heat (just kidding)
• singing to and praying with my babies at night and then telling them how much I'll miss them while they're sleeping.

Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Overall Update

So many things have happened this week. If someone asked me how I was doing today I wouldn't know quite how to answer them.

• My sister cam home from the hospital Thursday night. She is doing well. Feeling better, but still weak and in need of lots of "off her feet" time. Thank you to everyone who prayed for her. She is such a blessing to all, but especially to me during this season of my life. From her hospital bed druggd up on mrphine she was apologizing for not calling to check on me that day! So silly. I love you Danyel...and that sweet baby you're carrying! I can't wait to meet her!
  
• Thursday night Chris and I attended a mandatory class called, For Kids Sake. All couples divorcing under this particular judge have to take this 4 hour class on how to be a good parent through the divorce. When I walked in the room, I was overwhelmed with the crowd. There were people of all different ages, shapes, and colors who were in a similar boat as myself. None of us probably ever thought we'd be ending our fairytale romances in a class like this. How humiliating. Much to my surprise, the class was very beneficial and mostly entertaining. Chris and I got along perfectly all evening. He even asked me to coffee afterwards. We went over the divorce papers that just came in the mail that day. The evening was super cordial until the last 2 minutes. We got into an argument and we left on a bad note. That was hard. Julie watched the kids while I went to the class, so because it was such a late night the kids and I spent the night with her. It was fun to sit up and talk with her (until too late). Thank You Julie!!!
• Yesterday morning Julie watched the kids again for me while I went to see Dr. Cindy at her office. This was the day that I had to be "tested" for everything under the sun relating to STD's. Another humiliating thing that I had to check off the list. I will know the results next week. I did find out, however that my bladder is really weak after giving birth to such an enormous baby. There might be surgery for me in the future if we can't get things to improve.
• We had "Foundations" this morning (this is our little Bible preschool that we've been doing for years. We renamed it "Foundations" because the kids aren't in preschool any more! Three of them are in Kindergarten!). I showed up right at the end in time for the games.
  
• Wednesday night I had a late night. A huge pitfall for me through all of this has been staying up too late. I still haven't figured out how to make myself go to bed at a decent hour. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Wednesday night I just got this wind of energy about 11:00 pm. I put in Pride and Prejudice and got to sorting through all the baby clothes I have been storing. I wanted to pass the girl clothes on to my sister and then get rid of the boy clothes that were not sentimental (which one is NOT, right?) and sell them in our garage sale that is happening next weekend. I had a hard time and it took me completely off guard. I stared at these little clothes and the memories came flooding in. I kept one tub of sentimental items and personalized things that I will want to keep forever and then I got rid of the rest. I cried and cried and cried. Why? SO many reasons. I want more children. I have for a long time, but the idea of purposefully bringing a child into a stressful situation was out of the question for me. Thank the Lord He gave me the two babies that He did, when He did. He had a plan. But I also cried just out of sheer pain at realizing that when B wore this certain little outfit his daddy was being unfaithful to me. He was not what I thought he was. I was in a make believe world and was oblivious. So much of the pain of that is just feeling like a fool, ya know? A fool that you couldn't put all the pieces together. But the fact is and remains...God hid it from me until the time He so ordained for it to come to light. He protected me and prepared me. So, letting go of those baby clothes was painful because I felt as if I was turning my future over to the Lord again. I was saying, "God, you know my heart! You know I desire to be a wife and mommy. I trust You. You will do what's best, I know." That was not easy.
• Last night was small group night at church. I went to the Sowell's house which live very close. The Reeds were there and Brad. It was a small group, but lots of fun. Yay for encouragement!
• Today Laurie, Mom, the kids and I are going to Canton. YAY! I've only been one other time and it was so fun. I'm excited to go again. Ya know, sorry to all the married girls reading this, but it's kind of fun to decide how you spend your money. I have shared a checkbook for 8 years and now I have my own. It's weird and kind of fun! Have to look at the bright side, right??

Sorry for such a long post. I have so many fun pictures I want to post, but blogger won't let me! WAA! I'll have to have patience. Have a great weekend everyone and enjoy this weather!!

For Lori, on her birthday

(this is 2 day late because blogger wouldn't let me post a picture...boo blogger! I'll put a picture up as soon as I can!)

So, you're not in the treny club anymore, but that is OKAY! 30's are way better than 20's already, right? I now you're so busy with 3 little ones to care for, a hubby, a move happening this week and so much more, but I want you to stop for a second. Stop and celebrate the gift that God has given you. Yes, the gift of life, but that gift would not mean much without the overwhelming and unbeleivable gift of salvation. All the other gifts such as our families, health, and happiness are all icing on an already perfect and undeserved cake. We thank God that He he made you, that He saved you and that He shared you with us! You are a dear friend to me and always will be. Happy Birthday friend!

Love and hugs,
treny

Please pray!

My sweet sister is back in the hospital. She is 6 1/2 months pregnant with baby Mia Beth, but is having complications from a surgery she had last week for kidney stones. She waited for days in the hospital for the stones to pass, but they wouldn't and so they finally had to go in and get them. We're all praying because Danyel has had to be on some heavy pain meds, including morphine for several days. The Vicadin they gave her didn't even cut the pain. She also had to be put "under" for the surgery which was a risk in itself. She's had to have numerous ultrasounds and even X-rays. Now she has a post-surgery infection and is in terrible pain once again. She is missing her baby boy, Eli and her home. Her husband, Ryan has missed so much work trying to care for them both. Please pray that God would heal her and allow her to be back to normal for the rest of her pregnancy. She is feeling very much affected by all the drugs and procedures.

I really appreciate your prayers for our family!
I have to close with a sweet pic of Elijah Bryce himself!

Fun Times!

My roommate from college, Melissa Millikan Bell came to visit me this weekend. Melissa and I have kept up through the years, but not well enough at all. She and I are on different pages in our lives. She is married. I am no longer. I have children and she wants none. She loves her career and pours herself into it. I wish more than anything that I could stay home full-time. I am not career-minded in the same way. However, all of that said we have the most important thing in common. We both love the Lord Jesus and are sinners saved by His amazing grace. That is really all that matters. Our conversations this weekend were centered around Him and what He is doing through us during this season. We're both being molded by His loving hand and sometimes that can be bruising and painful. But we reminded each other of the love from the Father that goes behind each stroke of sculpting, each brush of change He makes in us. Uncomfortable, yet so necessary and worth it in the end.

Mel arrived on Friday night and we stayed up too late chatting. The next morning we rose early for B's soccer game. Chris came bearing Starbucks for Mel, myself and the kids. A nice gesture on his part. I think seeing Chris was hard for Mel. No one is sure what to say or how to act. We all feel the same. We want to "shake him till his teeth rattle" as Mrs. Judy says, but we want him to know how much he is loved and prayed for right now as well. It's tricky. But it all went fine. We came home and let the kids play while we got to work. Chris let me borrow the drill, but he had some weird attachment on there that I didn't know how to change out. I started to freak out and think...once again (when will I learn, right?) "I can't do this! I can't live alone! I need a man to help me! I need someone to be here to use this drill for me! AHHH!" Mel told me to calm down and reminded me that us women have an advantage over men. We are willing to read the directions! So we did and within 30 seconds we had the drill ready to go. May I say, if you are feeling down or blue, I suggest using a power tool. It is quite invigorating! I put screws into anything and everything in my house that looked like it needed one! But really, we hung multiple things that were waiting to put up and it felt so good! Next, we organized my garage a little, cleaned several pieces of wood furniture in the house, planted some things in pots on the front porch (one of Mel's great talents is "yardening" as she calls it). Getting my home set up post-Chris has been so therapeutic. Saturday night Kat (Kathryn Byrun Sowell) came over bearing chocolate. We all had a great time chatting. The next morning Mel came with us to church and it was a blessing to have her there to meet my "family." Thank you Mel for your help and your love, your prayers and for driving so far to come see me...not to mention all the goodies you brought me (especially the Ting Ting!).

Honestly though, the last week or so I have felt so normal. I never expected to feel this "okay" so quickly. Maybe it's just a temporary state and I'm going to fall apart in one hour, I don't know. But I really feel so functional. Not a whole lot of tears lately. It's just kind of life. And life is good now. The valley is a safe place to be. You're surrounded and engulfed by the Lord and in the hollow of His blessed hand. And if I remember Isaiah 26:3, then I am fine..."You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Simple. Not always easy, but simple. Keep my eyes on Him, not on this world. Not on the wind or the waves or the problems at hand and certainly not down the road (why is that so hard?). Only on Him.

I pray you will keep your eyes on Him today too. I hope we all can learn to trust Him wholly, so we will find Him wholly true!

Got Milk?

You have to laugh!

Neat Orchestration

Ya know, yesterday started out so great. My kids slept until 9:15ish when I finally woke them up. We all got dressed, went to the doughnut shop and then headed over to Bounce Town in Wylie. I've wanted to take my kids there for a long time and thought that it was the perfect day to go. When we got there we were the only people there, which was awesome. We bounced and played, chased and tickled for an hour and a half. I was exhausted from all the crawling through caterpillars and climbing and jumping. They had a blast!!! Not very often does mom PLAY with them for such an extended amount of time. It was so great....for me too!

Afterwards we went home and hung out. We had a late lunch and then layed down for naps. I went to go get on the internet and realized that it wasn't working...AGAIN. The real bummer of this is that my phone doesn't work if I don't have internet because I have VOIP. I called a friend that is computer savvy to get some ideas and we realize that I need to call the internet provider, etc. I immediately got so discouraged. Why am I having to do this? I know nothing about computers...I just barely know what all the cords are now! There is NO husband coming home to take care of this for me. I'm ALONE! I was overcome with sadness for myself...pity in other words. I tried to call the company on my cell (which I've pretty much used up all my monthly minutes in the last 2 days trying to get my computer working) and the guy I was talking to was more interested in discussing the differences between Canadian and Texas weather than in fixing my computer issue. After about 30 minutes on the phone I hear a knock at the door. It's the Pates. "Someone" called them to see if they could come help me. It was so neat how God had it all orchestrated. See, Kris and Julie Pate were coming home from a funeral and were 5 minutes from my house when "someone" called them. Kris is a computer guy and he was not at work today because of the funeral. They came in, Kris worked on my computer for hours, not only resolving my problem, but educating me for future problems, cleaning up the computer from all the ugly viruses it had and then installing software that would protect me from more in the future. My discouragement was turned into praise to the Lord for sending me help!
Really, almost as good as the help with the computer, was the fact that it was a beautiful, cool afternoon, so the Pates hung around for the rest of the afternoon. We let the kids play together outside. It was SO fun just talking with Kris and Julie and having the company. To top it all off Kris took us all out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants...Tacos y Salsas. More great conversation and laughter. SO FUN!!

Thank you Kris and Julie for yesterday and everything you did to bless me. But mostly, thanks to the Lord for caring for me and not forgetting me. I'm seeing His comforting, gracious hand in so many more situations these days. Maybe it's more than usual, or maybe I just didn't notice as much as I should have before. Either way, He is faithful. He provides. He cares. I can't even type those words without crying. His care for me means more to me now than it ever has and for that I am so grateful. I pray that I never forget and that I never again take for granted all that He does for me!

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:25-34

I don't really have a title for this post on my blog, because it is going to be filled with random facts and details that some of you might care about. Here goes (gotta love those bullets) . . .

• Dr. Cindy and I went to dinner on Friday night. For those of you that don't know her, she's a godly woman in our church that has suffered through a similar, yet not identical situation as I am. She is a little further down the path on her walk with the Lord than I am, so I value her wisdom and mature insights on things. Cindy has 2 boys, which are older than my kids. She is a Family Practicioner and is now officially my doctor! I've always wanted to get to know Cindy. She's obviously very intelligent (She's a doctor!), she is talented musically, witty and she's a big scrapbooker! It always seems like we have several common interests...namely the Lord, music and hobbies. So...all that to say that we went to dinner on Sunday night together. Neither of had our children because they were both with their dads. We went to a swanky restaurant at the Shops at Legacy called Jasper's. I had never heard of it, but every single person I've mentioned it to has said, "OH, I love Jasper's!" Okay, so I'm out of the loop when it comes to fine dining. We had the most amazing meal there! Yummy! The crab cakes were my favorite and they were to die for!! Her gift card was for $100 and she said we had to spend it all. That was fun! Besides the food, Cindy and I had lots of encouraging discussion. We pointed each other back to the Savior throughout the conversation. What a blessing! That really was such a neat picture to me of the body of Christ. Thank you Dr. Cindy for sharing your evening and your mega-gift card with me! We have to do it again soon!
• Company coming! My college roommate Melissa Millikan, now Melissa Bell is coming tomorrow to stay with me for the weekend. Fun times! Mel just was going crazy wanting to know how she could serve me during this time. So, company is always fun and just help around the house. I want her to help me hang some pictures this weekend. It's always good to have a second eye! Kat will be joining us some time during the weekend to hang out with Mel. YAY!
• By the way, I have had the most amazing week. I have been in the best spirits as far as my life goes. I think it helps to be busy...and no one can deny how busy I am now that my schedule is in full swing. I feel like I am going two different directions at once and I'm supposed to spend time with my kids and be a good mommy and daddy at the same time. I need to prioritize my time so that I can accomplish all the things I want to and need to. Pray for me about that.
• Today we have fun plans. Soccer practice tonight and I'm taking the kid to a bounce house place here in Wylie. We were out super late last night, so they're still sleeping (it's currently 9:00am). But when they do wake up we're gonna bounce ourselves silly!

Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

Morning and Evening by Spurgeon

"And they follow me." - John 10:27

We should follow our Lord as unhesitatingly as sheep follow their shepherd, for He has a right to lead us wherever He pleases. We are not our own, we are bought with a price - let's recognize the rights of the redeeming blood. The soldier follows his captain, the servant obeys his master, even more so must we follow our Redeemer, to whom we are a purchased possession. We are not true to our profession of being Christian if we question the bidding of our Leader and Commander . Submission is our duty, judging too severely is our folly. Often our Lord might say to us as to Peter, "What is that to you? You must follow Me." Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we don't know where we are going, we know with whom we go. With such a companion, who will dread the perils of the road? The journey may be long, but His everlasting arms will carry us to the end. The presence of Jesus is the assurance of eternal salvation, because He lives, we shall live also. We should follow Christ in simplicity and faith, because the paths in which He leads us all end in glory and immortality. It is true they may not be smooth paths - they may be covered with sharp flinty trials, but they lad to the "city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God." "All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of His covenant." Let's put full trust in our Leader, since we know that, come prosperity or adversity, sickness or health, popularity or contempt, His purpose shall be worked out, and that purpose shall be pure, unmingled good to every heir of mercy. We shall find it sweet to go up the bleak side of the hill with Christ; and when rain and snow blow into our faces, His dear love will make us far more blessed than those who sit at home and warm their hands at the world's fire. To the top of Amana, to the dens of lions, or to the hills of leopards, we will follow our Beloved. Precious Jesus, draw us, and we will run after You.

Cousins

Yesterday Benjamin had soccer game #2. They don't keep score in the pee wee soccer games, but I was and the Lightnings won!! Woo hoo! :- ) Benjamin scored a goal and he was beside himself with excitement. Everyone was laughing at how cute he was in his little celebration dance.
As soon as we got home I had a call from my 2 cousins Ryan and Brandon that are living in Denton. They are going to school and have a Christian band that are pouring most of their energy into. They are the sweetest guys. They wanted to take me and the kids out for dinner last night. What a treat! We went to a place called BJ's up in Lewisville. They have awesome root beer that is brewed in house. We also got super yummy deep dish pizza and their awesome dessert called:
"BJ'’S FAMOUS PIZOOKIE - A freshly baked, hot out-of-the oven, rich and delicious cookie topped with 2 scoops of vanilla bean ice cream and served in its own deep dish. Your choice of chocolate chunk, white chocolate macadamia nut, peanut butter or oatmeal raisin walnut."
We got 3 of these and all shared. Of course we got the chocolate chip cookie pizookie. What a waste to even try the other kinds! Anyway, it was a fun night and such a treat to hang out with my sweet cousins.
Their band, Crimson Soul plays a lot locally, so check them out here!
Their website is currently under some changes, so this is their myspace page. Make sure your speaker is turned on, cause when you go to the "my space" page one of their songs starts playing. FYI- Brandon is the lead singer/song writer/guitarist. He's the blonde. Ryan is the red head and he plays drums. Fun times! Everyone was saying last night that Benjamin looked like he could've belonged to Ryan because their coloring is almost identical!

The kids are with Chris as I type all this on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I feel in very good spirits, however and I'm looking forward to getting a lot done tonight. I also have fun dinner plans that I'll tell you about later.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help coms from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved! He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold! He who keeps Isreal will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; He will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in, from this time forth and forever more." Psalm 121

LAST weekend...finally

This weekend Mindy came to visit, as I already mentioned in an earlier post. She was such a blessing! She flew in Thursday night and of course we stayed up into the wee hours of the morning talking. The next morning we had "preschool" (a little Bible class we started with our kids ...eight of them). Friday was the first day of our third year together. Mindy got to be there with us for that, which was fun. Later in the afternoon we ran around town taking care of some business and then that night Julie came over to visit. She came bearing chocolate cake and ice cream. Both Mindy and Julie let me talk and then they encouaged me and cried with me a little. Then they helped me go through every box in my garage and get rid of all the things that I've been hanging onto that I shouldn't have. I now have about 10-12 boxes of garage sale items in my garage. I can't wait until they are gone!! At about 11:30 my parents pulled into the driveway. They brought my bed, my dresser and my new desk. YAY!

Saturday morning we went to B's first soccer game! How cute was he?? Awkward to say the least to have Chris, my parents, Mindy, Laurie, me and my kids all at the same game. Chris sat over on the side of the bleachers and took pictures. It was as good as it could have possibly been, but still oh so yucky.

Benjamin's got the ball...look out!

Yes, this is my son pushing the little boy from the other team. He got a little too into the game at times, I think! We're working on that.

Go Lighting!

Here is the boy after a long game...his FIRST soccer game. What a cutie!

Now here is the fun part... after the game we got to work. Here's the lowdown on what we accomplished:

• bed set up with beautiful new bedding
• new dreser lined and filled with neatly folded clothes
• new desk moved upstairs and set up with computer wires untangled and for the first time in my life understood by me what each ones purpose was. YAY me!
• hutch moved downstairs and filled with china and pretty things that have been in storage too long. I like pretty things, don't you?
• bookshelves upstairs in homeschool/study/exercise room now have organized books and resources. Everything now has a place.

Isn’t that all fun? It certainly felt good to have all of these things accomplished. Right around 2:00 or so Mindy and I skipped out and went to go pamper ourselves. She treated me to a manicure and pedicure. Whoo hoo! This was no regular pedicure though. We splurged for the sea salt scrub, leg mask and hot towel wraps. They also had these amazing massage chairs to enjoy while they were working on you. So nice!! Everything was perfect! Thank you Min!

Later that evening, after my parents left Mindy and I took the kids bowling. Neither of my kids had been before and we had such a blast! Here are some pics to help you get the idea…


Giving Cait a hand. She couldn't even carryt the ball by herself, much less get it down the lane.


Benjamin the man.


So funny. He would roll the ball and seeing is how it took lots of time for the ball to actually reach the pins...he had enough time to run back to the tables and lay down to watch what his ball was going to do.


Whoo hoo!


The very pregnant Mindy helping Cait get her ball down the lane. Mindy beat all of us. How can that be? I bowled like a 118 or something...but that was with gutter guards! That goofy Dr. Aetha messed up my bowling skills! You know who I'm talking about too, don't you??

Overall, it was a perfect weekend. Now I'm looking forward to my trip to Maryland to see Mindy and the new baby in January!! Thanks for coming Mindy. It did my heart good. And thanks to Jeremy for holding down the fort so that Mindy could come!!

Aaahhhh! Fall!

Who could possibly be in a grumpy or gloomy mood when the weather has been like it has here the last two days? Perfect. Cool, a little breezy...gorgeous! I love fall! It is my favorite season of the year. The colors, the food, the holidays, the relief from the hot Texas summers...and my birthday too. I have been in the best mood the last two days. I can't help but thank God for the way He made this earth and all it's beauty.
Yesterday after a morning of teaching the kids and I came home to a perfect day and we decided to stay outside and soak it all in. We played outside for at least an hour until it was time for lunch. We had a little picnic in the backyard and then played some more. What fun!
Today we stayed in our pj's until around 10:00 when we ventured outside for yet more enjoyment of the perfect weather. Shortly after, a man came by to talk with me about some health insurance. I knew he had to be a christian when he walked in the door, because he was wearing one of those ties with crosses and words like, "faith," and "hope" on it. Funny. Anyway, we talked business until for some reason he started talking about his daughter who just left for college. I asked him where she went and he said....yes, you guessed it...Mary Hardin-Baylor. "No way!" I said. "Yes." he said. "What was your major?" he said. "I went on a vocal performance scholarship," I said "but ended up graduating with a degree in Elem Educ and a minor in music," I said. He laughed. "That is exactly what she is doing. Vocal performance scholarship. Teaching certificate on the side." So funny.
Anyway, at the end of our visit, we had determined that his daughter would call me so I could share any "wisdom" with her I had to offer. Funny again and not my idea if you hadn't guessed already.
So many funny and weird encounters I keep having.
I hope everyone will get outside over the next few weeks while the weather is gorgeous. Take out your fall decor like I did tonight and get in the spirit of the season! Now posting this has made me in the mood for pumpkin pie. Yummy!

Labor Day weekend

Well, we had a really great time at the lake over Labor Day weekend. The reason I haven't posted about it sooner is because I was waiting for pictures from my sister. While I was there, we worked on my old desk that I had growing up and got it looking so great! We sanded, painted, repaired and added new knobs on all the drawers. What a joy to see my old desk as a child now being used by my own children. What fun. Thanks daddy for all your help! It was especially a sacrifice for him because his back was killing him. He helped me even in spite of that!
The weekend was also filled with many firsts. Pictures are worth a thousand words they say, so I'll let them do the talking here.

Benjamin swimming in the lake by himself.
He could not have been more proud of himself.

FIRST inner tube ride behind the boat!!!
This is scary for lots of adults, not to mention a 4 year old. He was SO brave and I was SO terrified. I was poised, ready to jump in after him at any moment. I didn't want him to get thrown off on his first ride, and thank the Lord he didn't. He was smiling the whole time!


Me and Cait, Sue and Eli, Mom and Benjamin. We were being given a leisurely boat ride around the lake. It was the perfect temperature all weekend. Not so hot!



Cait caught her first fish! First of many, I'm sure.
We couldn't get her to stop scratching her boody so we could take the picture. So lady-like, I know!

The only real downer to the weekend was the nauseating realization that I was all on my own. Benjamin wanted to swim in the lake and I didn't have my bathing suit. He had to go in the water with Chris Lintelman (my brother-in-laws brother). He was so sweet to help me out and swim with B, but I was overcome with the feeling of aloneness. This was my new life. I kept thinking how I was going to be dependent on others for so many things for so long. I felt quite helpless and weak. And yet now talking about it I realize that this has to be right where God wants me. He wants me to find His strength in my weakness, His joy in my sorrow, His healing in my pain. I need to accept it and keep walking. Some days are easier than others in this, however.
The other cloud that hung over my head during the weekend was knowing that at that moment Chris was moving out of our home. He was setting up a new place that would have no part of me in it. We were supposed to be one, yet we are going to be living separate lives. This is what divorce means, I suppose though. Ripping apart of that which was never meant to be separated again. This realization is hard. All I can do is pray that God's grace will carry me through this. I know beyond a doubt that I could not do it alone.
I'm so grateful to my family that loves me, ministers to me and cheers me on. They were so kind and so helpful this weekend. A special thanks to Ryan who looked for ways to serve me by carrying my bags up and down the stairs, helping me load and unload...knowing full well that there was no other man in my life that would be there to help me. (okay, my dad had a hurt back!!) Ryan stepped up and that is such a testimony to his character. What a blessing to have him in our family! Love you all!

Abundant grace

I know I need to report the details of our last 2 weekends (which were full!). However, I have been COMPLETELY overwhelmed over the last few days with all the "work" stuff that had to be done. Things are slowing as they do every week around Wednesday. I feel like I can catch my breath now. My precious friend Julie is watching my children for me today while I teach at Children's Park. Such a good feeling to know they will be with her! She is wonderful! Thank you Julie!!!
I really wanted to post today to tell you of the grace that God has given over the last few days. Sunday night the kids were with Chris, which will always be sad for me to a certain degree. I had a week's worth of work to do in one evening. I had lesson plans for 2 classes (with songs to memorize), lesson plans for C.P. to write, and my boss was expecting my lesson overview for the entire year on Tuesday! I had put so many things aside because of my company this weekend. I also was sleep deprived in a major way. I asked the Lord to help me, but it all came down to the wire. Sunday night I was studying my lessons and literally falling asleep at my desk. I drank a Spark which helped. I got lessons for 2 classes done. By then it was 11:30 and I couldn't function any longer! I went to bed and set my alarm for 5:00am. By God's grace...even though I seriously needed sleep, He woke me up at 4:45...WIDE awake. I felt refreshed. I went upstairs and was able to finish everything I needed to finish just in time. Also, my classes that day went great. To add to this blessing from the Lord, I have had 4 new students sign up for classes in this week alone!!! Yea, Yea, YEA!!

I just knew that lots of you would care to hear these things and would rejoice along with me that God is so good and so faithful to His children. Do pray, though for my kids. They have been having behavior issues this week. I think we are bearing the bad fruit of a busy mommy, an unpredictable life and a stressful family situation over the last month. Please pray that God will give me grace in this area to be consistent, plan ahead and to spend time with my kids investing in them. Pray that He will give me the grace of patience too! I have to figure out this new way of life and cover all the bases on my own now. I need grace to know what that should look like. Thank you to everyone praying. It makes this road so much easier knowing that you're not walking alone.

Valley of Vision

This weekend was emotional and hard, encouraging, fun and so great! Thank you Mindy for coming so far to be here. You are the kind of friend that anyone would die to have walking with them through life. You are a precious sister to me!
I will update you on all the fun stuff we did and all the work we accomplished over the weekend later, but tonight I want to leave you with a song. Mindy brought me this CD knowing that it would mean so much to me. I hope it helps you love the Lord more, especially in light of how the valleys in our lives are truly blessings. He takes us there with a purpose and completely out of love. The valley is a good place to be...maybe even better than the mountain tops places.

Valley of Vision

When you Lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn't be my decision
It's here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley's where You make me more like Christ

Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You're near with every breath
In the valley

In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley's where Your power is revealed

Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You're near with every breath
In the valley

Great post

Today's posting on the Girl Talk blog was so good! Go check it out when you get a chance!!
Read it here.

My dear friend Mindy is packing as we speak to come to Dallas for the weekend. YAY!!! Fun times ahead. I will give you a full report of the weekend as soon as I can.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Encouragement from an unexpected source

Today was a hectic day. It was my first day teaching at Children's Park for the year. I have almost twice as many students as I did last year, I lost my room (teaching in a hallway) and I get paid the same. Funny huh? Last year I definitely would have cared about those things, but this year I am just so grateful to have the job. It's all about the money at this point. Following my three classes there I went to the School of Music and taught 2 Kindermusik classes. All this was on the coattails of one of the hardest nights of my entire life. See, last night the kids and I returned from the lake. We met Chris to let him have some time with them. We sat the kids down and broke "the news" to them. We told them that daddy wasn't coming home anymore. We told them that he had his own place to live now. And the clincher... mommy and daddy aren't going to be married anymore. Benjamin just kept looking at me like, "You're kidding, right?" He was definitely looking for some kind of assurance that things were going to be okay. Chris did a good job of calming any fears that he had about the future. He assured him that he would be okay, that he would be happy and taken care of. Benjamin seemed content with that.
I left the 3 of them there at the train station with a huge hole in my chest. This did not seem right. How could it be? It only got worse from there because I came home, alone to a half empty house. My bedroom was a bare shell, the garage not as empty as I hoped and the closet we once shared was now bare of all his belongings. The room and the closet looked exactly how I felt...empty and in shambles.
Sweet Jenni came over last night, brought me dinner and chocolate cake and then helped me sort some things out around the house. I felt better after she left with the way things looked in the house. But honestly, my heart felt about the same.
Today was a new day with new mercies and busyness that helped camouflage for the moment the hole I had been feeling in my heart. But then, something out of the blue brought immense encouragement to my heart. It all started when it was feeling quite warm in the house. I realized the AC was not working because the digital control needed a new battery. I called the front office and they sent our trusty maintenance man, Mr. Carlos over right away to change it out. After Carlos changed the battery, which is located right off the master bedroom, he glanced in my room and asked where all my furniture had gone. I gave him a brief synopsis of the situation and he just stared at me in complete shock. He just looked at me with the most puzzled look. I started to think that maybe we were having a language barrier issue, so I started to re-explain. He assured me that he had understood perfectly what I said, but that he just didn't understand. He said that it just didn't make sense. Looking truly baffled he listed all the reasons that it was obvious even from an outsider that my husband had made a poor choice. He said that we were known in the front office as "the nice family" and that he always felt warmth whenever he walked through our front door. He said that any man that would give up a beautiful wife who created a warm home for him and 2 beautiful children was crazy. He went on to share his faith in God with me, which I assured him that I shared. He looked at me with the utmost sincerity and told me that I was going to be okay. God was going to take care of me. And more than that, I would smile again one day, sooner than I thought. I believed him. I believed every word he said.
When he left, my house was beginning to cool off and I felt at complete peace again. I felt like God had sent an angel to me today as a messenger of encouragement and peace in the form of my maintenance man. I do believe him. I a going to be okay. God promised that I will be. And more importantly, I believe Him.
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28