Quote of the day

"I don't claim to have found the Truth, but I know it has found me."

Sara Groves
"Conversations"

Painting Pictures of Egypt

Well, we finally made it home around 8:30 tonight. I unloaded the van, but resolved to worry about putting everything away tomorrow. I want to give an update on our trip...maybe tomorrow. But tonight I want to share some amazing encouragement that I got today. Well, it started years ago when I saw Sara Groves sing at Chris's graduation from DTS. She really impressed me with her genuineness, her simplistic sound and the profound lyrics to her songs. Well, that was 4 and a half years ago. This Christmas I told my parents that I would like one of her CD's. I had no idea which one, just surprise me. So in my stocking received a Sarah Groves CD entitled, "Conversations." I popped it in this afternoon on the long drive home. Song number 3 struck me like a blinding light. It was as if the song where written for me. In all honesty...I struggled this Christmas. I know I don't want what I had in my marriage (an unfaithful husband who didn't love me) but it was what I had grown to know and be familiar with. Well, this song by Sarah Groves said it all. She based the song on Exodus 16:3 "And the people of Israel said to them, 'Would that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.'" They didn't want to go back, but they were scared to go forward.
Here's the song...


Painting Pictures of Egypt

I don't want to leave, I don't want to stay.
It feels like pinching to me either way.
The places I long for the most are the places where I've been.
They are calling after me like a long lost friend.
It's not about losing faith, it's not about trust,
It's all about comfortable when you move so much.
The place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live.
It wasn't milk or honey but then neither is this.

I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned,
and those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned. (Red Sea)

The past is so tangible, I know it by heart,
familiar things are never easy to discard.
I was longing for some freedom, but now I hesitate to go,
I am caught between the promise and the things I know.

I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned,
and those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned.

If it comes too quick, I may not recognize it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?


So...it's just like with those Israelites. They were pushed out into the desert for their own good. It was HARD, I know. But God was freeing them from slavery and bringing them to the promised land. There is always a desert to walk through before you get to the promised land. And we can't hurry it up. There has to be time that ticks on and lots of sand pass under our feet before we arrive. If not, would we really appreciate that promised land? We need to cling to the promise that God is good. He is always good. If we're in the desert and we're his, then we're on our way to the promised land. And we can't go back to Egypt. We had found a way to live there, but no longer. He led us out and is leading us by the hand somewhere else. It's a good place and now there is no going back. Why would we want to go back? Why would we ever go back when He is leading us to the land flowing with milk and honey?

Merry Christmas!

I hope you all have a blessed time with those you love this week. I will miss you, but we'll see you when we return next Wednesday. By the way, Danyel is at the hospital as I type this being induced. Lord willing, baby Mia Beth will be born today some time. Pray for safe travel for us and a safe delivery for Danyel and the baby.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Program

Before we leave town I wanted to post a few pictures of the first two Christmas programs I directed this year. The third program I only got a few shots of and they were on Laurie's camera...which I'm not sure if I'll ever see again!! Just kidding Laurie!

Anyway, first program consisted of the 2 year olds singing 3 songs. They screamed and cried through the entire program. One child sang the songs while the others had to be held back from running to their parents. It was sad! I thought it was retarded in the first place to have a program with 2 year olds, but no one asked me! Then the 3 year olds took the stage. Very different story! No one crying, no one wanting off the stage...a few picking their noses, yes. But I'll take nose picking over screaming any day! Cait was in this group and they were all little reindeer. They sang, "One little, 2 little, 3 little reindeer", "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and a few others.

Here's Cait counting the reindeer. Was a smart girl!!


The little boy next to her was distracting her from her little performance!


We're working on the modesty thing!


The second program started the next hour. This was the Pre-K and Kindergarten classes at Blue Ivy. We were performing, "Bob Humbug: The Christmas Grump." It's quite funny, actually and the kids pulled it off! The Kindergarten is in the middle with the fancy collars. The Pre-K is split into 2 groups, one on each side. Benjamin is in this group. Can you find him?






This was a song about Bob being a Christmas grump. Benjamin was doing the motions to the song, unlike the children around him, obviously


Do I have a class clown on my hands?


Thank God for my mom who came to help. She saved the day. I couldn't even list everything she did to help me this weekend, especially during the program. Thanks MOM! And thanks Laurie for coming to video and help with pictures. You're such an awesome friend!


The relieved director with the cutest elf and reindeer I've ever seen!

My friend Jenni

Happy Birthday Jenni!!


Today is Jenni's birthday. She is my dear, dear friend that God gave me. We've been friends for several years, but only in this last year did we grow super close. God gave her to me because He knew I would need just that kind of friend to lean on this year. Jenni is not just any old friend, no...she is that friend that knows every little detail of your life. She remembers everything you tell her, remembers everything you like and is so very thoughtful. She is the kind of wife and mother that I would love to be one day. She loves the Lord and He has blessed her with a great deal of wisdom. That wisdom has come in very useful to me this year! She sharpens me and spurs me on to be more like my Savior. I thank God that He gave me Jenni, among many other amazing friends to be my support, my prayer warriors and my friends.
Happy Birthday dear friend!!! I love you!

Weekend Update

Just to fill in some blanks...

• Danyel is still pregnant! She is due on Sunday, the 17th, but no sign of Mia yet. i wanted Mia to wait until I could get there on Tuesday, so we'll see if she cooperates with her auntie. Danyel is scheduled to be induced on Tuesday if she hasn't had the baby by then. I hope for her sake that she won't have to be induced.
• Church Christmas party was tonight. I love our church family! They are so loving and kind. All the men really look out for Benjamin...you can tell. I see them seize little opportunities to teach him something or talk with him. It's so sweet and yet so completely depressing at the same time. I can't help but bawl writing this and thinking about it. His daddy should be there teaching him how to have good manners, how to be a good friend and how to play foosball with the best of them. He should be there. But he's not. If I had a dollar for every time that I've asked God to fill in the gaps for my children and help them not be scarred by this mess...I'd be a rich woman. They truly are in His hands.
• I've decided NOT to report the guy from the symphony. After thinking it through, the only real reason I want to report him is because of the principle of the matter. I love to defend the principle!
• I got a gift card to Bath and Body works from one of my students. I also had coupon. I bought an I-pod there that was on clearance. After all was said and done, it cost me $5. Yes, I said $5. I'm certain it is a crappy machine, but it will do the trick on the treadmill for me! YAH!
• I get to sleep in in the morning! I don't even remember what that is like! Don't you dare call me before 9:00 (unless you're Danyel and you're in labor)!! My kids weren't in bed until 10:30 because of the party and I gave them strict instructions to get books when they wake-up, so I just might get away with a morning to snooze in. It's the little things, right?
  

Should be Illegal!

Tonight I had the weirdest thing happen. As you know, Laurie and I went to the symphony last week. So, a man called me from the Dallas Symphony (even said so on the caller ID) and was asking me about my frequency at the symphony...I think trying to sell me season tickets. I cut him off pretty quick with the info that I'm a single mom and I can't afford to go to the symphony more than maybe once a year at the most. He politely let me go and I resumed my dinner with my children. Funny thing...3 hours later he called again, only this time it was from a private number. He introduced himself as "Dean" from the Dallas symphony, whom I spoke with earlier in the evening. He went on to say that he noticed I lived in Wylie and he also lived in Wylie. He remembered me saying I was a single mom and wanted to know if I wanted to go for coffee with him sometime!!!



what?

How can he take my personal info from his job and then call me on his cell phone later to try to get a date? AND, how desperate is he? He doesn't even know what the heck I look like. I could be super bugly or psycho for that matter. I politely told him that I would have to decline and that I was in the middle of reading bedtime stories...so "good night."

Weird people out there! If he knows my city and phone number, wouldn't he also have my home address? EEK! Should I call the symphony and report him? What if he gets fired, gets mad at me and THEN comes to my house??? Am I getting carried away?

Some advice here would be appreciated! I have to laugh though!! My first date offer since the divorce and it is from a telemarketer who liked my voice!! hee hee!

Beauty Queen

Cait was invited to a birthday party last weekend for a little girl in our Kindermusik class. Rylee was turning four and she wanted to have a dress-up party. There is a haircut place just for kids in Rockwall called Sharkey's. In the back of this ultra cool shop is a party room. It is decked out in hot pink and lots of fur. It has mirrored dressing tables and a wall of dress-up dresses to choose from. Here was the low-down: Girls came in and picked a dress. They got changed, then went and got their make-up done (all stations were manned by high school girls...what a COOl job!!). This consisted of sparkle eye shadow, blush and sparkle lip gloss. Next they got their nails painted any color they chose. Lastly they got their hair done ...and Cait asked to look just like Cinderella, please. The girl actually did a great job making her look like Cinderella.
After the girls were all "fixed" and ready, they did a mini fashion show where they put the girls u on a stage. They took their picture and we all cheered. It was funny!

Here are some pics from the day...


Make-up


Getting the princess "do"


"I'm ready!"



Cait in the fashion show. She looked a little confused about the whole thing.
What a fun memory for me and my girl!

General Update

Well, God has blessed me in so many neat ways lately that I just had to write them down for my own record and possibly for your encouragement as well.

1. I needed to buy a certain curriculum from Kindermusik...a new level that I will begin teaching in the fall. It's called Young Child for ages 4 1/2 to 7 yrs. This curriculum is really for the purpose of preparing them for private music study, such as piano or violin. I would always recommend beginning with piano, no matter what your long term goals are musically. Anyway, I wanted Benjamin to be able to benefit from this class as well as reach a whole new clientele. Long story short...I needed to buy 4 different curricula at $90 each, $100 if you include shipping. Well, 2 weeks ago I got on e-bay, which I've never bought anything from and looked around at their Kindermusik stuff. Someone was selling all 4 curricula together and the going bid was $45!!! To cut through all the drama, I won it for $56. Can you believe it? To make it even better, the very day I won the teacher's curriculum on e-bay some random person came into the School of Music with a Young Child student kit...complete and wanted to know if anyone there would find it useful. She hated to throw it away! So right there I got B's kit for free. Unbelievable! It was obvious to me that day that God was orchestrating my future and the success of it as well!
2. Mindy, my dear friend from Maryland (well, she's from Dallas but moved to Maryland) lost her Nana just last week. It was somewhat sudden and very heartbreaking for Mindy because she was so very close to her Nana. Mindy and Jeremy and all 5 of their kids DROVE to Mt. Pleasant, TX for the funeral last Saturday. I was so blessed to catch a ride with the Pates and go to the funeral. Another dear friend, Laurie volunteered to watch my kids so I could go be with Mindy, help her with her kids and not worry about my own. Is that not amazing? What a friend! Well, I was blessed to be there with Mindy and her family and to get to meet Brianna Joy (12 days old). I had the horrible task of holding her during the service!! OOOHHH!!! I want more babies!!!! Obviously not right now.... but maybe one day??? Anyway, back to Mindy. What a blessing to see them and be there to show our love for them! I thank God that He made a way for me to go. And by the way, they made it home safe and sound!!
   
3. One of my biggest struggles in being divorced was knowing that I would have to give up some things that were very important to me, like homeschooling my children and teaching Kindermusik. I have found a knack there and I truly can say I love my "job". I hated the idea that I would have to give up something that I loved so that I could be the "provider" for my kids. Well, God answered those prayers for this year with an additional job at Blue Ivy School. Well what I haven't told you yet is that they pulled me into the office a few weeks ago and asked me to consider teaching at their sister school also(brand new in Rockwall) 2 days a week. Now, I already have a school on those days, but this is a bigger school, so I would get more hours which equals more pay and I would have more consistency. The true bonus of it, is that Benjamin would be able to go to their private Kindergarten full time and Cait would be able to go to Pre-K there full time FOR FREE!!! Could I afford private school for my kids? Uh, no. Did I want to put them in public school? Uh, double no. And the extra, extra bonus? That still leaves one day a week open for Kindermusik as well as all my afternoons!! GOD is so generous! He is so loving. HE is my PROVIDER! HE is my FRIEND! HE is with me to the end!

Just thought I would share and let you rejoice with me at what a GOOD God we serve!

The Christmas Spirit

Last Wednesday Laurie and I had a girl's night. We met up at Maggiano's Little Italy and ate a yummy meal! I had one of my favorites...lump crab cakes and tried something new as well. I asked for an iced tea but the waitress suggested a frozen tea (with a little white wine and peaceh schnopps added in). It's called a Bellini. I've heard of them but never tried one. Divine!
We rushed off after dinner to the Meyerson where we saw Michael W. Smith in concert with the Dallas Symphony. There are no words....
The Meyerson was beautifully decorated for Christmas. We had great seats for the show. We sat in the choral section which is actually behind the stage. We were on the side choral section, so we had a little better view of Smitty's hands as he ripped up the piano. From where we sat we were actually looking down on the orchestra. I had a perfect view of my favorite...the percussion section!! They are so amazing! Real musicians. I wish I were a "real" musician!! The music they played was very nostalgic for me. MWS's first Christmas album has been one of my favorites since high school. He played all the old, but goodies from the album as well as some traditional carols. We sang several carols as a "congregation" which was quite hart warming. Talk about getting in the Christmas spirit! If I hadn't already been in the spirit, this would've done the trick! It was an amazing night!
Like I said, there are no words to describe how awesome it was, so it's no surprise this posting doesn't do justice. Here are some fun pictures from the night!! Not sure why th pctures are posting so small, but just click ont hm and you can see them bigger, I think!

My Ballerina

Today Cait had her ballet/tap observation class. We haven't gotten to see all semester exactly what they do in there, so today we finally got a glimpse. 100 parents armed with cameras and camcorders watched together as our little darlings performed. It was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen in my life. What a memory! Cait is quite the performer I found out today and just as clumbsy as I knew she was! She may not be graceful yet, but she is sweet!

Blessings in pairs

This week has been a week filled with much emotion. Not many different kinds of emotions really...just one. This emotion is one that I have been confused about. Why now? Why in this magnitude? Should I be feeling this way? Is this emotion natural? Is it holy? or is it sin? What do I do with this emotion? How do I cope? How do I express it in a God-honoring way? How do I get rid of it? All of these questions stem from one blood-boiling little emotion called ANGER. Lots of thoughts are flooding my mind as I type this. Lots of processing going on. Here's the deal though: I've been struggling for over a week now. I feel drained and up tight. I feel on edge and consumed in my thoughts. It's been a long week or so. The Lord was good though. He gave me a blessing yesterday that helped me see things more clearly. Last night I went to visit with my new friend Medina. I've known Medina for 2 years now, but we've never gotten an opportunity to really get to know on another. Well, in the last few months I've grown to know her more. And to know her, is to love her! Medina has been through something very similar to what I have been through in my marriage. She is a survivor. She has come out on the other side and seen how God had a plan for her. The path to get to the blessing was neither straight nor smooth, but He was with her all the way. And where has this road taken her? To a sweet, godly husband (of 7 years) named Tim. It also brought her to our church and into our lives. Thank you God! I was able to talk last night with Medina about my situation and essentially these feelings I've been having.
ANGER. It is powerful! The thing that triggers the angry feelings is the processing that is going on in my brain. You know...the processing of "OH! Now I know why he said this" or "Oh, now it makes sense why he always did that." I'm figuring out piece by piece what was really going on behind my back for 5 years! It is the processing that I don't want to do! I don't want to think about it. I don't want to dwell. Mostly, I don't want him to steal one more second of my life or happiness from me, ya know? 5 years is too long. I don't want to give one minute more. But unfortunately, the brain and heart are complicated! It takes to time to process these things. Medina's husband called it a "holocaust" of the heart. That's what it feels like. A bomb has exploded and the dust has been settling now for months. I'm left here in the middle of the wreckage looking around at the destruction and shaking my head in disbelief. But standing there will do me no good, will it? I have to get walking. I have to walk step, by step, day by day towards the green, unaffected land on the outside. One day I pray that I will reach the place where the landscape is green and flourishing with life and beauty. But for now, I have to walk. I have to examine the wreckage, the disgusting aftermath of a lengthy sin.
Something my pastor told me "the" night the bomb was detonated in my life was that yes, there has been a devastation and yes, I would have to walk through the wreckage. But, the good news is that I will not walk alone. I have to walk the path, but not alone. Not only will the heavenly Father be with me, but my dear brothers and sisters will be with me. Medina is on of those dear sisters who has promised NOT to forget me in her prayers even though the dust has settled. But surprisingly last night, the blessing came in a pair. Medina's husband Tim was there last night as well. He encouraged me right along with his sweet wife. If their words weren't encouraging enough, just the simple and beautiful picture of them...them as a couple was enough to encourage me beyond measure. Tim said something that will stick with me, I think. He said (and it hurt his hart to say it) that if Medina had not walked this road and been divorced...If these things had not happened to her, then there would be no "them." There would be no Tim and Medina. God works in mysterious ways and I see that I have to look forward to seeing how God works in my life to bring beauty from the ashes of my present rubble. I can't wait!

For now though...walking, processing and trusting Him. Day by day. One at a time. Anger may come as a byproduct of the processing, but I know the Lord will help me deal with that in time.

This is what mourning looks like after an affair. This is what death of a marriage looks like. It hurts. But in the midst of it, there is hope. Hope for a beautiful tomorrow.

Thanksgiving Pictures

Cait showing off her gingerbread cookies. My mom caught her sucking the icing right out of the tube instead of putting it on the gingerbread men where it belonged!!



Me and my friend Ashley. There was no one over 4 years old there with us, so we had to take the picture ourselves.



My kids with Ashley's girls (L-R) Isabella, Gabriella and Maya



Poppa and Benjamin being hard working cowboys



Benjamin during his first riding lesson. And NO, my dad is NOT leading the horse, either. Scary! What a precious picture though, huh?



The fam at my uncle Mark and Aunt Sharon's Thanksgiving Day.



My cousin Deke giving Benjamin a roping lesson



Taking a try on his own. Get that cow, Benjamin!