5 More Days

Just got the call. 8:30 on Wednesday morning I am meeting my lawyer at the Collin County courthouse to finalize my divorce.

To say that I'm having mixed emotions is an understatement. How are you supposed to feel? Sad? Relieved? Happy to have closure? Remorse? Mourning for a great loss? Yes. I suppose all of them are natural and right in this situation. Just pray that I will have peace. Thanks.

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."

Fun New Addition!

You know, I am the kind of girl that likes to be somewhat up with the times. I usually get with the program, but I always seem to be behind most. It takes me much longer to get with it. Thanks to Amber I now have a cluster map on my blog. I've always been interested in knowing how many people actually read this thing. You know, you write and wonder who will even ever read what you have to say. But don't worry...I can't see who you are, just the general location of someone who read my blog. So guess what? If I have a dot in Maryland I bet I'll know it's MINDY! Or a dot that looks like it's in Tennessee, I bet I'll know it's Christi! YAY!
Check it out. All you have to do is click on the map and you can see for yourself!

A sweet girl from my church wrote to encourage me last week. I've posted one of the verses that she sent me to read and consider. This sweet girl is a senior in high school and yet so much older than that in her faith, it seems. She has been one of many at my church that have blessed me and encouraged me beyond measure. And just to think, their blessings toward me can't even compare to the blessings that God has poured out on me.
"Hallelujah, What a Savior!"

Psalm 71:14-15 "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of Your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure."

Blessed by my guests

Well, my sister had to leave Thursday afternoon to head back home. This was very sad for me and the kids. She is probably the only person I can think of that could stay with me for a solid week and me not be tired of her and ready for her to give me some space. She's my sister and I feel more comfortable with her than even the best of my friends. Danyel was such a blessing to me while she was here. She challenges me, you know. "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10 She is the picture of this verse to me. She makes me want to try and "outdo" her in blessings. Thursday morning (I was SO tired and have been for about 2 weeks) she snuck in my room early that morning and turned off the baby monitors that pipe into my kids' rooms. She got up with all three kids and fed them breakfast, letting me catch a little more sleep. Every time we ate somewhere during the week a huge "close to blows" fight would break out over who was going to pay for the other. We both wanted to bless each other. For me, I had been blessed by her and Ryan so much over the weekend, I was trying to even the score a little. Her motivation was much purer than mine, I'm sure. I love my sister (even if she hates my clothes! :-)) and love to behold the godly woman that she has become. Talk about blessing! Just watching is blessing enough. So yes, she challenges me to be kinder, more generous, more thoughtful and less seeking of recognition from others. When she drove away, I was left thinking, "I wonder how soon she can come back?"

I was encouraged to know that even though my sister had to leave that my dear friend Amber was coming with her cuties for a slumber party that same afternoon! What fun times! The kids really surprised us. Guess what? Mary Alice no longer wanted to be Benjamin's playmate. She wanted to be Cait's! I guess Cait is growing up and the gap in age between these guys is closing in. It was funny to see them all interact. Mary Alice and Cait dressed up and played with their babies. The boys tried to get the girls's attention with their swords! Just like a male, huh? After bedtime Amber and I had such a great visit. I think I did most of the talking, unfortunately. But any words that Amber did get in to the conversation were so very encouraging! Encouragement is definitely one of her gifts. She has many, let me assure you, but encouragement is at the top on her list. I went to bed feeling so hopeful about what the Lord is doing and my future being in His hands. One thing that we did is we looked through the hymnal that was sitting on my kitchen counter. We were looking for songs for the ladies retreat (I'm helping with the music). She and I were pointing out our favorite hymns and we had so much fun singing them. Kind of silly, but really such a blessing to be singing these truths about God with a sister in the Lord who is so like-minded with you. Such a joy.

Blessing upon blessing. That is how I describe my life right now. My God has poured out His comfort, His peace and His love on me day after day. And He has used some sweet ladies in my life to be His instruments in many cases. Thank you Lord. Thank you for not forgetting about me. Thank you for loving a sinner like me. I am in no way deserving of the salvation I have from my sin. In NO way. But even on top of that you have poured out your lavish blessings on me. You have given me gifts that cannot have a price. They are valued far beyond any tag you could place on them. Please help me to see your hand in everything. Please help me to seek you earnestly and not value the gifts you have given me more than I value YOU! You, oh Lord are my very great reward! (Gen 15:1) Help me to seek you as a prize that is better than all others. Help me to be fully and completely satisfied in You.

So rude!

I have to tell this funny story on my sister. She's gonna kill me, but I don't care. Sunday we went to Kohl's so I could look for some jeans. I was trying on several pairs in several different sizes and lots of different styles. Every pair I tried on Danyel would give her input. I was done and I didn't find any I liked, so I put on the jeans that I own. The jeans I wore into the store. She took one look at them and said, "No way! I hate those! Those make you look terrible!"
I looked at her in disbelief and said, "You're kidding, right? These are MY jeans. I already own them." We both started laughing and she started apologizing. Not sure if I'll ever wear those jeans again!

Pictures, finally

Chris took lots of pictures of the kids this day that he had them. He graciously shared them with me. My babies! (they look innocent, don't they?)


All boy


Pumpkin patch with daddy


Poppa eating a corndog at the fair. Mmmm!


First Texas State Fair corndog


Mmmmooooooooooooo!


Fancy driving


Bonding with a billy goat

The weekend

Well, it was a great weekend. I feel like the weekend is actually spilling in to the week because Danyel and Eli are still here. This is the part that I was looking forward to the most. The reason being because it's always hard after the "party" is over not to be sad. But the party is over and I'm not sad because I have my sweet sister here to give me company. She's always thinking of others before herself, which is so inspiring. I want to mimic her in this area. She's not the only one in my life that models this selflessness for me, by any means. God has blessed me by surrounding me with people that are focused on others. I want to really focus on this right now. I have been so self-absorbed for like 2 months now! I have been in my own little bubble world. It's just that the issue at hand is surrounding you, engulfing you to the point that you can barely see past it. Anyway, some of the smoke has cleared to the point where I need to look outside my situation and focus more on others. "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Phil 2:4. This was Benjamin's memory verse for last week. It's amazing how the Lord gives us what we need to hear when we need to hear it.

Anyway, my birthday weekend was fun. The fam here...we ate at MiMi's on Saturday morning. Laurie came with us. Ryan snuck off and paid for us all! Speaking of Ryan...he fixed my broken bookshelves AND set up my stereo system while he was here. This was a lot of work, including a trip to Home Depot and to Walmart. What a nice guy! Can you believe it? I have a stereo system with a sub-woofer (spelling?) and everything! Why not, right? I had it, so why not hook it up?
After brunch we went to B's soccer game. It was awkward and awful (Chris AND my parents/Danyel and Ryan were all there). It was totally stressful leading up to the game because no one could agree on how they wanted things to look with Chris. "Do we sit by him? Do we talk to him? If we talk to him, do we act like nothing happened?" It's just hard, ya know? Everyone wants to forgive and be kind, but there's a fine line between being gracious and communicating that it's "no big deal". Because it IS a big deal!! Anyway, I ended up sitting by Chris for most of the game. Why? Well, it really helps when your little boy scores a goal and looks up to see who's cheering. Where would he look if we sat apart? Mom or dad first? Not fair! We sat together for most of the game. Cait hung out with us. Once again, Ryan saved the day. He came over and talked to Chris. He was definitely the best candidate for the job. I think it blessed Chris to have Ryan have a sincere conversation with him. But it was hard. I felt like bawling the whole time. This is all so wrong and so unnatural! This is not the way it should be. The undoing of a marriage or even the rebuilding of one that has been shattered is the hardest task I can fathom. Sin reeks havock on so many lives. We clearly do not count the cost of our sins before we act! Lord help us to look to You and give us grace not to sin! Sin is so gross!

After the game we all came home. Everyone crashed but me. I worked a little, cried a little while everyone rested. When dad woke up he helped me hang shelves in the garage. They are very nice. I will put them to great use. Thanks daddy!
After naptime we all loaded in the car and headed to the fair. By the time we got IN the fair, we had spent almost $75 and we hadn't even done anything or eaten anything yet! Can you see where this story is headed? The bummer is also that we didn't make it there until almost 6:00. Corn dogs and drinks for everyone was another $45. Yikes!! Anyway, we saw some fun things. The kids got to pet baby pigs and goats, a buffalo tried to charge them from his pen and Benjamin picked dried poop off a baby camels booty. Quite gross and funny. An eventful time. We also let them ride some rides, which I have great picks of, but you know why they're not here, right? BOO blogger! I will try to get those up soon though.

Well, Saturday was okay, but Sunday was better. Church! Always good. Sunday night the girls came over to help me celebrate. They brought yummy food and presents! So sweet! We just laughed and talked until probably too late! Thank you to my sweet friends who wanted to make sure THIS birthday was a good one. I love you and thank God for the blessing of you in my life!

On a different note...the divorce papers are complete. They are signed and they are going in the mail today. The end of something I never wanted to come to an end. And who do I run to for comfort? Not a husband anymore. But now I can soley lean on my heavenly Father, my friend and my Savior. The way it should have been all along, but now it is certain. Pray that He will be the only comforter I seek.

Gorgeous!!!

Absolutely gorgeous day!!
Fun weekend ahead. As I speak the fam is in the car headed towards Dallas.

The plan?
Eat yummy b-day dessert tonight after mom and dad, Danyel, Ryan and Eli arrive.
In the morning go out to breakfast for my birthday meal. Breakfast is my favorite! Benjamin has a soccer game at 12:30 and then we're off to the State Fair for the rest of the evening. Corn dogs and funnel cake here we come! Can you tell I like to eat? Hmm...
Ryan has to go home Saturday night, but my parents and sister are going to stay and go to church on Sunday. Danyel and Eli will stay with us into the week. YAY!!

Fun times! I got a package in the mail today for my birthday. Thank you Perkinsons for so sweetly thinking of me! So generous and so exciting! Thank you!

Better go get to work to finish up getting the house ready before everyone gets here! Get outside today everyone!!

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." I Peter 5:10-11
(Thank you Jenni for sharing this verse with me today)


P.S. Happy birthday Steve, my birthday buddy!

Yesterday

Yesterday was a fun day. Chris met me and took the kids for the whole day. I taught in the morning, ran a few errands and then met Mrs. Judy at her house around lunch time. Mrs. Judy is our pastor's wife and any time with her is precious and worth clearing the calendar for! She took me to lunch at the Olive Garden, which I love and haven't eaten at for years! We talked about everything under the sun. I was able to ask her a few difficult questions that I had weighing on my mind over the last few weeks. She always offers such Godly wisdom. After lunch we went shopping. I was on a mission to find some pictures to put in my house that had scripture on them. I want to surround myself with words that are true, uplifting and that will point me back to my Savior. I so easily get off track when it comes to my thoughts!
We had such a great time together visiting and laughing. I'm so thankful to her for the day and the investment that she has made in my life over the last 2 months, especially.

After I left her house I ran a few more errands. I went to Goodwill and found a shirt and pants that would work to make a Luke Skywalker costume for the fall festival. I also found some pants that I can cut of to transform, using the same shirt into a pirate costume for B's birthday. I'm still working on a white dress for Cait's Princess Leia costume, and of course a wig with the classic side-bun look!

After running my errands, I met Chris and the kids at Pei Wei. Chris wanted to take me to dinner for my birthday. He (the kids) gave me a really nice gift...but how ironic? A coffee flavored candle. Hmmm... Anyway, it was all very nice. He topped it off with giving me the divorce papers signed and ready to be sent off to the lawyer. Good, I guess, but sad.
This is my new life. That acceptance is so hard. There's like this ray of hope I keep catching myself entertaining, that this is all a nightmare. Maybe it's not true. But that denial is only postponing the inevitable complete acceptance of the situation. I'm working through the acceptance of it all, which is hard. Because it's not what I want to do.

ANYWAY.....I tried to post some sweet pictures that Chris took of the kids when they went to the pumpkin patch yesterday, but OF COURSE, it was having technical difficulties! BOO! I will try again later. Enjoy this cool, gorgious day!

Not all its cracked up to be

Okay, so I couldn't wait for a slow paced week to catch my breath. Weeelllll...that kind of backfired. See, now that I'm not as busy this week I have lots more time to think. And be sad. And to think. Maybe this busyness is a blessing in disguise. I hate feeling like I'm dragging my kids all around, but really, I think it's just me I keep draggin' around. Half the time they are at home when I am going from one crazy class to the next and then a meeting, then a phone call and so on and so forth. My mind is going in 1,000 different directions, so maybe it just feels like I'm busier than I really am. Anyway, all that to say that this week has been a sad one. I miss my life. I miss having a companion, I miss a lot of things. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay! I really am ultimately at peace. It's just that the pain doesn't go away even though I have peace that I am in the hollow of His mighty and caring hand. The pain is part of the purposeful process, I know. But, I want to remember that by His stripes we are healed. He was bruised so that we could have hope. He died so that we could have life.
So, yea...I'm a little sad today, but this too shall pass. So tiny in the scheme of it all. I think a quick solution would be to go get busy doing something! And that I shall do...

Isaiah 53:4-6

4Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
5But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
6All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned every one to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

Quote of the day

"Against me earth nd hell combine,
But on my side is power divine;
Jesus is all, and He is mine!"

C.H. Spurgeon

On the heels of a crazy week

This last week was so busy, so full of trial, so blurred by the many things to do and the many things that need to get done. Last night when I finally put my kids into bed at 10:45 (with their clothes on) all I wanted to do was cry. I just wanted to let the flood gates open and bawl. I felt ill, I felt worn out and had just this overwhelming desire to stop and rest. So when the kids finally woke up this morning at about 9:00 am, I decided that we needed a day of rest here at home. I got someone to cover my Sunday School class (thanks Julie and Jenni!) and the kids and I hung out. We made pancakes, they took super long playing baths (the kind they LOVE), I was able to clean up the cyclone that had run through our house and pack their bags for a night over at daddy's house while they played in their rooms. I felt so rested after doing all this at a slow pace that we decided to eat lunch at church with everyone and go to afternoon service. We even had time for some flu shots in the middle of all that at the FBC Parker shot clinic (thank you Dr. Cindy!). Don't ask how the kids did. It was traumatic for them both and probably more so for me! The whole church heard them scream bloody murder when it was their turn! Anyway...this afternoon I am feeling better after a little nap.

The week ahead seems to have cleared up. No ballet, no teaching voice lessons, no Foundations, etc. I am excited to have a more low-key week ahead. But the purpose of this blog is to fill you in on the week past as well as throw in a few pictures to boot.

• Monday and Tuesday- hard days. You already knew that though
• Wednesday-work followed by taking Cait to Bulid-a-Bear to redeem her birthday gift card. She picked a koala bear, named her Sarah and dressed her like a princess in pink...surprise, surprise!
• Thursday we went to the Fort Worth Zoo! It was Homeschool Day and the tickets were at a discounted rate. What fun! Here are some pics from the day:

Almost the whole crew, Benjamin, Anna, Luke, Rebekah, Cait and David. We're missing Judah and Truth! What fun we had though!!


Benjamin and Cait looking at the elephants. They kept saying, "Mom! They are so HUGE!!"

• Friday- Foundations, followed by setting up for a garage sale on Saturday. That evening the Hamms came over and Jeff helped organize my garage. He hung up hooks that allow me to have more space all together. Then they took me to dinner at Tacos y Salsas! Yummy! It was fun and productive. Thank you Jeff and Jenni!
• Saturday- garage sale with Kathryn at her parent's house. It was very mch worth the effort! I made almost $350! Woo Hoo! That night we went to some friends house for dinner and didn't get in until super late.

That brings me back to where I started...today. I'm glad a busy week is behind me and a fun week and weekend is ahead of me! I hope you're looking forward to the week ahead as well, with new trust in the Savior that He will care for you and lov you. There is bright hope for tomorrow, isn't there?

Pictures!!!

My porch in the fall. I love the fall, did I mention that??





Our new homeschool room/ study/ music room/ scrapbook room!



My new bedroom furniture and bedding. I love it!



Cait, my little ballerina




The Pates came to one of Benjamin's soccer games. Here Cait is "loving on" poor Thomas


Mr. Aggressive on the field. We are working on that, I promise!


Anna, David and Cait playing at the game


The Tyler roses that Mel brought me when she visited. Thanks again Mel!

I'm sorry!

I want to apologize for my self-pity last night here on my blog. Sarah was right when she reminded me this morning that if we could see into the future, as Christians, we would always choose what God's will for us is, because it is what's best for us! As Christians we want to be made more into the image of Christ. Well, trials are what He uses to do this ... to shape us. He draws us near, puts us on the wheel and the Potter Himself begins to work on us. He molds us, bending and bruising us until we are what He desires for us to be. "But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, 'Why have you made me like this?'" Who are we to question the Almighty God for His workings in our life? He knows best, we do NOT! He is in control of all things, we are NOT! He is by nature good, we are NOT! He is perfect, we are NOT! Why can I not remember moment by moment that God is showing His love for me (that I'm in no way deserving of) by conforming me into the likeness of His precious Son. What a blessing! How can I argue? How can I protest? What a blast of ungratefulness that must seem to Him when I do.
Help me, God submit to Your will fully in my life. Help me trust You in the moment of trial, not only looking back afterwards. Help my life or my death, my sickness or my health, my riches or my loss bring glory to Your Name! Help me say "Not my will, but Yours, O Lord" and mean it, moment by moment.

Not so good

You know, these blogs are a tricky thing. They're somewhat like a journal, but anyone and everyone can read that journal so it can only be so private. Blogs are sort of like a platform to relay information, thoughts or encouragement. They can also be a place to communicate briefly with people that you might otherwise loose touch with. The downfall is that you can't really paint the whole picture of each story in a public domain like this. There's always so many things you must leave out because they are sheerly too personal. Too personal because they are embarrassing or might reveal too much about another party or maybe it's just too much information. I did not get the news I was hoping for today and I'm feeling a little confused. Confused about the right way to feel. Anger? Acceptance? Thankful that it is not worse news? I should probably feel a healthy balance between all of these emotions, I suppose. I do know that my pastor's sermon yesterday was for me. Meaning, the Lord wanted me to hear yesterday what I needed to know today...to prepare me. If you want to hear a good sermon, you can listen to it here.

Good night everyone. On days like these, it's best to just retire early.

"Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5