It is my cup; It is my portion

My dear friend Amber loaned me a book over the weekend. I picked it up today because I was having one of "those" days. Let's see...I got some new and hurtful information, I cried all morning, I feel dog tired and Cait cried today when I left her in her classroom. She "wanted me because she loved me." Heartbreaking. And all of this was before 8:30am. What a start! After we got to school, I kicked into teacher gear and worked on auto-pilot for the next 3 hours. Then when we got in the car I heard one of the Valley of Vision songs and I started crying all over again. I always think I'm a sneaky crier, ya know? Sunglasses on, music up loud, kids behind me can't see me, discretely wipe the tears. You get the picture. Well, today we were almost home and Benjamin said out of nowhere..."Mommy, why do you cry a lot?" Heart stopped. Want to cry more. Compose self. Answer in calm voice, "Everybody is sad sometimes aren't they buddy?"
Sooo, all this to say it started out as another hard Thursday. Then I picked up the book. It is titled, Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. I was so moved by the introduction that I have decided to post little bits and pieces of it here for your encouragement as well. I was sad this morning fighting to trust God and keep my eyes on Him, but what I read from Mrs. Dillow today helped me focus in on what I was lacking. I was lacking contentment and peace. I think the two go hand in hand. Here's some of what she said:

She discusses hard times that people have to endure and she asks how we can be content in the midst of tough, tough times. She told of a missionary woman who had this list of guidelines for herself to help her be more content. They put me to shame and overwhelmed me!

• Never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather
• Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
• Never compare our lot with another's
• Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
• Never dwell on tomorrow-remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours.

WOW!! She goes on to say that this woman was eternal minded. She gave God her tomorrows so that she could be free to live today. "One day at a time we need to make right choices and grow to process the holy habit of contentment."

This contentment happens on the inside. It is NOT dependent on our outward circumstances, feelings or on other people! "Contentment is a state of heart, not a state of affairs."
We have to rely on God to give us strength to be content. He has to infuse it into us. She translates Philippians 4:13 to say, "I am strong for all things in the One who constantly infuses strength in me." She gave the illustration of us as a cup of hot water. Christ is the tea bag. The longer we allow it to steep , the more infused we become with His strength and His character. The stronger we become.

Here are two awesome verses she memorized and I want to as well.
"God...is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters." I Timothy 6:15
Who controls my life? God. What kind of a controller is He? Blessed.
J.I. Packer said, "Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good."

YES!!! I HAVE to believe this! I have to soak in this truth so that I won't let discouragement take over.

Second verse,

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5

Here's what Elizabeth Elliott says about this verse...

"I know of no greater simplifier for all of life. Whatever happens is assigned. Does the intellect balk at that? Can we say that there are things that happen to us that do not belong to our lovingly assigned 'portion' (This belongs to it, that does not)? Are some things, then, out of the control of the Almighty? Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good. As I accept the given portion, other options are cancelled. Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and hence my heart becomes much inexpressibly quieter. A quiet heart is content with what God gives."

So there you have it. It is so clear. When I am sad about my portion, I need to cry out to God and ask Him to help me embrace it. Help me have the strength to not wish that my assignment were a different one. Help me find peace in knowing that this cup, be it a bitter one, is for His glory. Help me desire my own sanctification and His glory through that more than I desire my relief from the pain, and more than I desire my comfort and easy, trouble-free life. Help me be like Christ who "grasped the handle of His cup and lifted it to God and said, 'I accept my portion. Infuse me with Your strength that I may drink.'"

It was so good for me to type all this out. It helped me process it yet again. I hope you will have found something encouraging as well to make the long read worthwhile.